Yesterday, I got a text, saying he still wants to be friends. He's worried though, because he still likes me, and he doesn't want this to happen again. But we're friends again I think. =] It's really weird and awkward though, because we have to back the hell off.....Once you've known someone, you can't un-know them. So pretending like I don't still have feelings for him is hard....I still feel like he's mad at me though. He hasn't talked much at all, so I can't really tell...He's hard to read...I hope everything's okay now.
It really pissed me off, that the only one who seemed to care about how I was feeling, was my older sister. She came and gave me a hug when she saw me crying, and she wasn't judgemental. When I told my mom, she just had this attitude. She basically said, “I told you so!”. I'm sure she's just happy she got her way.
My other sister was just judging me, because she hates the guy I like. And my friends, weren't very helpful...They tried, but all Dustin could manage to say was, “I wish you and me were more than friends....” and my other friend just started talking about Twilight....I don't even know, it was something about how Edward was wrong for Bella, but she loved him, but then Jacob loved her too, so even though he only wants to help her, he tells her things she doesn't really want to hear.....I don't even know how that applies.
She also keeps trying to tell me about how her boyfriend is becoming a Christian so he can be with her. I'm happy for her. But then she starts telling me to pray about my situation. I told her I haven't been praying lately, or reading my Bible. I guess right now, I'm kind of mad, because my mom said that God was the one who didn't want me to be with Aaron. Me and God used to be closer, but I feel like He's withdrawn his presence from me, and I feel like I'm pursuing Him for nothing. But mostly, it's because I've personally never understood the Bible. I know that I should pray, and read my bible every day, but I can never get into it. When I pray, I feel like I'm talking to air, and when I read the bible, sometimes I undetstand some things, but I can't ever really apply it to my life. I've always heard about how much God loves us, and how merciful and wonderful He is, and I believe it. I've just never really been excited about it. I know without a doubt He's there, it's just sometimes I can't make myself care.....I know, I must sound terrible, but it's how I feel...
I started writing this feeling somewhat positve, and now I just feel like I want to kill someone. I'm pissed, and my thoughts aren't organized, so this was probably just a waste of time. Aaron talks to me, but I don't think it's because he wants to, and everybody else is either trying to tell me how to run my life, or just being really rude....I don't know, I'm just really confused still....I don't know where I stand. I wish somebody could tell me what he's thinking, and what's going on...I might just need to write again later...
No comments:
Post a Comment