Ouch.

Either late September or early October, I asked if he really liked me, or if he only talked to me because it's fun to flirt. He said he thought I was awesome, and epic, and he actually liked me. But he said that there were other girls he flirted with. He then said, that he'd stop flirting with them, “because they might get upset when they found out he had a girl in Washington.” I said I'd be really happy if I was the only one he payed that kind of attention to. So in early November, maybe in the middle of it, he says he's going to shave. (He was doing No Shave November.) and he said that there might be some people at his work who might be upset. (He works in a fast food place, so I thought it was funny that anybody would be mad if he actually shaved.) He said there were some girls at his work who had told him not to shave. (One of the girls being his female manager.) Months after he said he'd quit, he's still flirting. So I'm kind of pissed, so I said, “Yep! Gotta keep the ladies happy.” and it was silent until about 15 minutes later, I changed the subject. This was pretty early on still, so I decided to give him another chance. And after time went on, and we'd talked for hours everyday, I thought things were more serious. So I figure he's quit flirting, and I'm all he needs. I mean, he's all I need. I don't ever flirt with other guys. I've turned down guys that said they'd do anything for me, and that they loved me, just because I already loved my guy. I made myself clear, that I couldn't share my man with anybody, and that he had to quit flirting if he and I were going anywhere. He says he knows, and he understands, so I'm happy, and decide that things are good again. Big mistake. In late December, he follows some slut on the site we actually met on. I guess it was because she followed him first, but if I was all he needed, and he wasn't flirting with anybody else, why would he feel the need to follow some other girl? Now, of course, this girl is beautiful. And she's more his type physically than I am. I've always known that I wasn't the prettiest, but I thought he'd be able to appreciate my personality. It turns out, I'm just not good enough for him.

Early January, I have to tell him that he and I can only be friends, due to the fact that I'm forbidden to date somebody who isn't of my religion. He says that's fine. But just because my brain knows what's right, doesn't mean my heart won't want the opposite. So I still flirt with him a little like usual, and I tell him that I miss him. He says he misses me too. So things go back to how they were, except we're not talking half as much as we used to. So now in February, I've realized that he barely ever talks to me. I'm the one who starts the conversations, and I'm the only one who tries to keep the conversation going. So I tell him this. And I tell him that he makes me feel like I'm ugly, and worthless, and like I'm not good enough for him. He says I shouldn't put myself down. (Totally missing the point. That I don't feel that way just because, but it's because of his actions that I feel so terribly.) And he says he's sorry for not being very talkative lately. So for the rest of the night, we're talking and it's pretty much like old times. The next morning, it's the same old routine. I'm starting the conversation, and he's answering with just one syllable words, or maybe just an “lol”. So of course I go back to feeling terrible, but I don't want to bring it up again. A few weeks later, (just last night) we're actually having a nice conversation, but then all of a sudden, he starts in with his one syllable crap. So I ask if I should leave him alone and let him play his video game. He says he wants to talk to me. I say that he's just so distracted. He says he likes distractions. So I say that when he gets distracted, he answers with one word, or maybe a smiley face if I'm lucky, and that I end up just having a conversation with myself...His response: “My b 0.0 Well, ttyl.” .......He actually picked video games, over me. He picked something that isn't real, something that isn't helping him improve his life, something that isn't even alive, over a living breathing person. Let alone the fact that I'm supposed to be one of the most important people in his life. So today, later in the evening, I hear from him. The usual exchange of what's up, and nothin much, you? and all of that. So the conversation dies. I still want to talk to him, so I message him with some random couple of sentences, trying to get some kind of response, and he replies with, “Well, I hate to cut this short, but I'm headed to bed. So I'll ttyl.” It's only 11:30, and he usually doesn't go to bed until about 1:30. So assuming he has to work early, I say bye. An hour later, Skype shows that he's still online. So he lied about going to bed, because he didn't want to talk to me. I wouldn't have minded if he had just said he was busy. But here I am, thinking about everything we've gone through over the last year, and how much time and effort I've put into this, and how little he's really put in. I'm just wondering how many times I'm supposed to give him the benefit of the doubt.